Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
