My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
