Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's blow job season.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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