He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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