dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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