im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
