I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
