I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
