i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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