I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize