I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
