Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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