You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
