I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
