She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
