Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
