Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
