you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize