It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
