found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize