you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
