just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
