Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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