youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
