a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
