Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
