I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
