Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
