dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
