Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
