You're completely useless in the revolution.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
They have beer where we have blood.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
