I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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