I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
