getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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