My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
