I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize