I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
