i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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