We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
