he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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