Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
