just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
