I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize