I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
