Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
