Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
