We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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