Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was confusing and full of hummus
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
