The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
