Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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