Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
