You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
