Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
