dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
