i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
