You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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