dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
