we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
