Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
