my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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