I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
